Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
