Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
