I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
