her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im holly from the hills drunk
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
