She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
