i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
