I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This baby is an asshole
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize