im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize