i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
