Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
