I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
