And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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