Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
