You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
