bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
