Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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