"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
