At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
