So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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