Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
