no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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