mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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