someone get that fucking seahorse.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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