I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
