you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
