I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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