I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Randomize
