my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
