Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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