So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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