Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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