Dual....:-)
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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