K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
