I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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