Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
