I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
