Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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