So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
