I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
this hospital has no fireball
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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