Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
