Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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