I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think i got beer on your cat.
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