I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
