thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
