I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
