Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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