I want to have your abortion
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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