it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
