how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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