Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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