Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
