I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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