I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i out mim tonsoeep
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