I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
