whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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