Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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