hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
