I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
