I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
