help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it glows. i had to have it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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