a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
