I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."