im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with