ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT