best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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