she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off