Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
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we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life