i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
