'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
