Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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