nut hugger
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
