Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
