That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.