I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
