Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?

  (760): View more from California

  You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

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  (301): Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room? (760): You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet. http://tfl.nu/jiuf
  Replies (27) Good night (4429) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.

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  (604): I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was. http://tfl.nu/96eh
  Replies (21) Good night (885) Bad night (6285)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now

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  (715): You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now http://tfl.nu/q56d
  Replies (59) Good night (7872) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"

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  (516): i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth" http://tfl.nu/n9fj
  Replies (44) Good night (1183) Bad night (7039)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory

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  (678): After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory http://tfl.nu/nm21
  Replies (23) Good night (797) Bad night (5256)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

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  (205): Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia http://tfl.nu/0tpw
  Replies (28) Good night (6339) Bad night (2021)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.

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  (586): he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/s6ky
  Replies (15) Good night (5453) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now

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  (828): I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now http://tfl.nu/merq
  Replies (12) Good night (3512) Bad night (1213)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.

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  (734): you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm. http://tfl.nu/i6hi
  Replies (12) Good night (2741) Bad night (1355)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards

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  (301): so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards http://tfl.nu/20k7
  Replies (11) Good night (2289) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.

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  (520): Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks. http://tfl.nu/j1xw
  Replies (4) Good night (812) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.

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  (619): I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs. http://tfl.nu/h2q5
  Replies (5) Good night (742) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just vodka nap now...

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  (706): When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between (267): I just vodka nap now... http://tfl.nu/97w6
  Replies (1) Good night (722) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again

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  (502): Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again http://tfl.nu/w7l0
  Replies (3) Good night (367) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants

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  (423): You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants http://tfl.nu/9mg7
  Replies (2) Good night (533) Bad night (287)

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