Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.