Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
smell my finger.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season