What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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