So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
