Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
