i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
