I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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