just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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