i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
