I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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