Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
