Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
