just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
