it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
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She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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