Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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