He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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